Review: GOD OF WAR III
Lisvender reviews GoW III
Reviewed on PS3 Developed by Sony Santa Monica/ Published by Sony Computer Entertainment
Oh (Greek) God. Kratos is back in town, and he’s pissed. I mean, really pissed. He’s so pissed this time, that tearing off heads and slitting open bellies isn’t enough for him; now he’s out to annihilate the very fabric of nature.
In God of War III: Kratos Kills Everybody, the outlandish violence that’s the signature of the series has been inflated to a ridiculous level, and the Playstation 3’s hardware makes it look prettier than ever before. Unfortunately, little has been done to adjust or improve the structure of the game. If anything, with the game’s new emphasis on showing off artwork and fancy cinematics, it’s gotten worse.
The game begins with Kratos riding the shoulders of Gaia, a woodsy, rocky giant who’s clambering up Mount Olympus in a balls-out assault on the gods. Zeus and his posse, which includes Poseidon, Hades, Helios, and the very annoying Hermes, are none too happy about this aggression, and each god will set out to taunt and irritate Kratos in his own way. Before Kratos will take his precious revenge on Zeus (which he reminds us of regularly), he’ll plod through several gorgeous mythological backdrops, ride on the backs of titans, collect weapons and magic spells, rescue Scarlett Johansson, and endure endless flashbacks that clobber us over the head with their message of hope.
Throughout this trek, Kratos will repeatedly face the typical God of War challenge: barriers will enclose you in a small arena, and a crowd of ineffectual, undead Greek soldiers will pour out of the ground, spoiling for a fight. What you do in these situations is hit Square over and over, occasionally throwing a Triangle in for variety. Kratos will do a little dance, swinging his chain-blades around in fancy patterns, until all the enemies are dead. If you see an bad guy winding up to get a hit of his own, just hold L1 to block, and then commence the Squaring.
After going through this ceremony dozens of times over the past few years, I began to wonder if God of War would play just as well if Kratos just swung his blades constantly, and you’d have to press a button to stop him. It would probably work.
When you’re done Squaring your enemies to death, the barriers will vanish, and you get to run ahead for a minute or so. Eventually you’ll encounter…a puzzle.
Most of the puzzles in God of War III use familiar video game logic: activate a switch to open the way forward. Kratos can push buttons and pull cranks, set things on fire, or search for hidden passageways using a glowing severed head. You’ll also find weird, blue stones jutting from the ground here and there. They usually obstruct you from reaching a secret or a goal. You’ll need the Cestus, a pair of laughably large metal gloves, to punch through the stone. Since they’re also powerful enough to fell even the biggest creatures in a few hits, I recommend that you just keep the Cestus equipped at all times. They really are all-purpose tools, silly and uncomfortable though they look.
A couple of the puzzle sections are clever, like a garden that uses Escher-like illusions to connect pathways, or a labyrinth constructed from an array of rotating cubes. The rest, though, are recycled from the Book of Zelda, and they go on for so long that you’ll start to wonder when you can just back to killing monsters already.
If you’re especially patient, you can always travel off the path that the game’s camera leads you down, and try to find some secrets. Kratos can discover treasure chests that contain the usual collections of Gorgon Eyes, Phoenix Feathers, and red orbs, which increase his health and magic meters, and the strengths and capabilities of his weapons. The game is very generous with these orbs, and you won’t have to stray from the main road too often to get most of your weapons maxed out. I guess the designers wanted to be sure that everyone will get to see all the fancy combo animations they came up with.
One of the few additions to God of War is the Minotaur Horn, which increases the length of Kratos’s new Item meter. Kratos is now limited on how often he can use special items, such as Apollo’s Bow, Hermes’s Shoes, and Helios’s Head. I’m not sure why there are limitations on these things, as they don’t provide any great advantages to Kratos in combat, but the meter is there anyway, and now we have Minotaur Horns to go searching for. Locating a hidden chest and finding a Minotaur Horn, when you were hoping for a far more desirable Gorgon Eye, is a tremendous disappointment.
As in previous God of War games, you’ll run into some stupid segments that break things up rather unpleasantly. Like the parts when Kratos has to climb hand-over-hand across ropes, kicking at approaching enemies like a spastic idiot. Then there are the scenes where he has to ride steam plumes up enormous shafts, dodging obstacles and unexplained balls of fire like this is Star Fox or Battletoads or something. I dreaded these scenes, and couldn’t wait for them to be over.
So what, if anything, is the true draw of God of War III? It would seem to be, as with Heavy Rain, the dazzling Quick-Time Events, which involve astounding action and camerawork that still isn’t possible in regular gameplay. After you’ve beaten an enemy or boss into a sufficient level of weakness, a huge, flaming Circle will appear above it. Get Kratos close and press Circle, and watch the magic begin!
Kratos is as gymnastically skilled and cruel as ever in this game, and in these Quick-Time Events, he’ll swing, jump, fly, stab, and just beat the hell out of whatever he’s up against, provided you press the buttons that appear on the screen at the right times. It’s Dragon’s Lair rendered on a Cell processor. I must admit, though, that these scenes really are impressive, and even therapeutic, especially when you get to see Kratos punish an irritating boss.
The violence in God of War III has already garnered a ton of internet attention and gorehound love, but those who are squeamish probably won’t have to turn their heads. Sure, the grisly deaths Kratos imparts on his opponents are pretty gross, but they’re also so bizarre, and so far over the top, that they’re hilarious. The flashy spectacle of the QTEs had me saying “whoa” quite often, but they also had me cracking up. The designers at Sony Santa Monica have obviously watched a lot of horror movies in order to devise kills this creative.
What I realized while “playing” God of War III is that it’s not a game to be played so much as a game to be looked at. The QTEs are impressive enough, but there are plenty of other aspects the designers labored over to make the game an eye-popper. The characters are superbly detailed, especially Hephaestus and Kronos, with their wrinkled, stained skin and burnt out eyes. The designers planted some books on pedestals at scenic overlooks throughout the game, and they function like the mounted binoculars in Brutal Legend: they do nothing but allow you a lengthy eyeful of the landmarks the artists constructed. Aside from the Cestus, Kratos’s multitude of weapons and attacks differ in appearance only. You’re not going to be changing them because one weapon is more effective against a specific enemy than another, and it’s pretty safe to ignore the many combos the game offers in favor of hitting the Square button over and over. One attack works just as well as another.
Pretty pictures don’t make a game worth buying. This is a rental, through and through. It will take around eight or nine hours to complete, so maybe two rentals will be necessary, but that will still be cheaper than buying the game. I hope that games like Heavy Rain and God of War III – and hell, let’s throw Metal Gear Solid 4 in there too – are not representative of a trend, one in which video games throw out all the thoughtful and challenging play and then replace it with cutting-edge imagery and interactive movies. That stuff is entertaining in its own way, but it should be kept in the venue where it belongs: the theater.
To close, I’ll say that even God of War III’s cover is stupid. It’s just Kratos’s eye, glowering with rage. It’s a terrible cover that tells us nothing about what you actually do in the game. It looks like the teaser poster for a movie, which is probably fitting, because that’s more or less what’s in the case.
Controller1.com rating: 1/3
