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The Podcats: E3 2011 wrap up

A look, another Podcats. Looking back at E3 2011

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E3 2009- part 1. I Need to Change my Pants

Controller1.com is not a news site, its a blog so rather than being your one stop shop for E3 news, we’ll just have some opinion. The show hasn’t opened yet but half the big publishers have already had conferences and briefings so I’m going to change my pants, recap my reactions to the news from MS, Activision, EA Ubisoft and others.

EA

Lego Rock Band and The Beatles Rock Band shows that EA and Harmonix can do the exact thing as Activision/ Neversoft- that is make a game once  and then reskin 15 times. Brutal Legend was demoed and I still don’t know what the hell the game is about- apart from Jack Black being involved somehow.  Is it a driving game? An action game? Saboteur from Pandemic has been on my radar for a while and hopefully its not just Mercenaries 2.5. Mass Effect 2 looks to have more awesome than an awesome star going supernova. Crysis 2 is coming and its on consoles as well. APB (from the makers of Crackdown) coming early in 2010 should be fun. I might need to get a gaming PC this year.
Dante’s Inferno seems to be another hellish God of War game but Bioware made a splash with the Old Republic trailer that made people who want Ewok porn care for Star Wars again.

Left 4 Dead 2!!! A Valve game where there’s been a yearly update. And it looks like it does everything Dead Rising didn’t do. I am looking forward to this in a way most Valve MP-focused games don’t ‘click’ for me.

Ubisoft

Red Steel 2 looks like Motion plus might actually be a worthwhile pickup for the Wii. But while Assassin’s Creed 2, if it fixes the flaws of the first game might be a great game, its Splinter Cell Conviction that looks to be THE Ubisoft game you buy at full price. The rest, you just wait for a few months to get it for a third of the launch price.

Activision

Wow, another Guitar Hero game. I could pass this year and just stick with Beatles Rock Band. Tony Hawk Ride, with its fancy controller, doesn’t appeal at all. But Modern Warfare 2 looks just as good as anything Infinity Ward have done to date. It will be a HUUUUGE game in 2009. Wolfenstein looks great, despite the fact the trailer tries to hide the fact its a WWII game.

Microsoft
Halo 3: ODST came and went which should be fun, but then Bungie and MS are doing Halo: Reach.
Buy ODST and you get a MP beta invite for Halo: Reach so things look interesting. Forza 3 for you hardcore racing fans will make the 360-owning revheads reaching for the tissues. Considering its likelihood to go up against GT5, it has better be impressive.

MS also showed off their new camera based controller. The thing is, it doesn’t use an actual controller. Natal looks to be goofy, Eyetoy-esque and fun for all the family. There needs to be more info. Peter Molyneux was there to talk about his new project with a boy called Milo. Its a virtual prisoner in a pit so the sadists should be satisfied. I’m still wondering why you would want to with Twitter and Facebook with your 360 but if it lets you do screenshots for sites like this, I’ll be interested. Alan Wake is coming early next year, and I continue to be intrigued but there’s Crackdown 2 from Ruffian games. Not only am I interested, but Cameron won’t be shutting the fuck up about this for the next year.

Oh and there’s a Metal Gear game on 360 featuring Raiden. To me, it sounds like a Ninja Gaiden style game but that’s just pure speculation.

And the show hasn’t even started yet.

E3 2009 Preview- part one

As E3 approaches, Controller1.com would like to paint you a picture. E3 is going back to its roots as a big bombastic show with loud music parties, booth babes and swag. But you don’t have to wait until June to know the score. C1.com would like to tell you about what you probably already know.

Now some of these games may not make it as a 2009 release, but they are likely to be released before E3 2010.

The Playstation Three 3 tripple 3.o will be receiving Uncharted 2: Honor Amongst Thieves as one of its big games as well as the cryptically named Massive Action Game. We may also be seeing another Ratchet and Clank game, something that’s always welcome in this new online reality we call the year 2009. There’s no driving game announced so let’s assume Gran Turismo 5 is finally coming out. A motion controller of some description, one that had 391 axes including up, down, left and right and time, may also be on the cards as may a break-apart controller.  Sony will likely not talk about how the PS2 is carrying their company but will mention all the things you can do with a PS3 apart from games. They may also announce a PSP Go- a PSP that is not present-compatible with any PSP games you may already own on UMD.

Speaking of breaking, The 360 looks to have Forza 3, Halo ODSAT&T and maybe even that saucy minx Alan Wake up its sleeve. Fluid, a rumoured motion controller for 360 or the camera-based controller that has also been the subject of gossip could be unveiled. Corporate executives and new control schemes make for goofy conferences. Crackdown 2 is a strong possibility, even if its only a tease. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Halo LMNOPQRSTUV had the Crackdown 2 beta?

Our friends Nintendo will have to show something other than what’s already released. Wii Fit is huge. Wii play is huge and Wii Sports is ubiquitous. Motion plus is almost here and the microphone was about as welcome as a 78 digit friend code at a slumber party. Despite the fact that the DSi has been released to great sales and games from 2005/2006 such as Mario Kart DS and All New Super Mario Brothers are still in the top 10 NPD figures, Nintendo will need to unveil something other than Zelda on a train for the DS.

Third parties are great parties to attend. But you get stuck with the bill.

Activision are going show Tony Hawk’s arthRITIC Ride. It uses its own controller that lools like an  arc mouse turned upside down. They will also have Modern Warfare 2 (pssst- don’t call it Call of Duty 6. I did once but I think I got away with it) which will have thousands of perks, noobtubes and frustrated shouts of ‘Bullshit!’ to entertain us all for the next two years.

Activision will also have wave after wave of Guitar Hero products flung at us. Guitar Hero for kids (Band Hero), DJ Hero, Guitar Hero 5 are just the beginning. There might even be some Wolfenstein action if we’re lucky. Could we see a big WoW announcement (like an ex pack for next year)?

EA will obviously have more Maddens and Tiger Woods games and obviously a fair few Wii sports games. We’re likely to see more of Army of Two 2 and the 5 dozen Battlefield games they have in the works: Heroes, 1942 and B:BC2. There will likely be some Maxis action for Sims 3 and something to do with Spore. Harry Potter? Medal of Honor? Syndicate? Who knows. Burnout and Need for Speed? I think there will be some sort of Need for Speed showing- especially since they’ve already announced forty versions of NFS. But its been a while since Burnout Paradise was released. Sure the game is a ‘platform’ but how long does it stay that way? There will likley be Rock Band offshoots like RB Pearl Jam and the Beatles, a little known Liverpool pop combo from the 60′s.

Ubisoft has been quiet of late. We think there will be an Assassin’s Creed 2 showing. We may see some TOM CLANCY’S tm Splinter Cell Conviction showing and I’d lay odds about hearing about a new TOM CLANCY’S tm Ghost recon title. Whether its TOM CLANCY’S tm GR3 or TOM CLANCY’S tm GRAW3, we’ll have to wait and see. There’s an outside chance we’ll hear about a a TOM CLANCY’S tm Rainbow 6 title since there’s not been a lot said about that in a while. Depending on whether they did well enough for Ubi, maybe TOM CLANCY’S tm Endwar 2 and TOM CLANCY’S tm HAWX 2. If we’re good boys and girls, we may get a TOM CLANCY’S tm I am Alive trailer and a look at TOM CLANCY’S tm Beyond Good and Evil 2.

Take 2 may or may not choose to show some more of Mafia 2 and Red Dead Revolver Redemption since they’re close to being released and we may at the very least hear when the next GTA DLC is coming out. I expect more about Bioshock 2. Some have said a new GTA reveal is possible but I’m guessing it would be more than a year away from release at any rate.

Capcom will likely show re-releases and remakes of any game it hasn’t already done 15 times as well re-releases, remixes, re-runs and re-hashes of ones it has already done five times previously. So take a franchise they’ve ever released and slap one of the following words on the end: redux, remix, retread, turbo, alpha, ex, chop till you drop, et al. There will be Dark Void, Lost Planet 2 and Dead Rising 2. We might also see Resident Evil add-ons, SFIV add-ons and Wii ports of PSone games. Devil May Cry 5?

Konami have been teasing with something that many people who won’t stump for a PS3 have been wishing for- Metal Gear Solid 4 for the Xbox 360. Having played MGS2 on the original Xbox, I wouldn’t get my hopes up for anything great in terms of a good port. Any Castlevania or Silent Hill announcements will make fans of either series wet their pants or shit their pants.

Sega will no doubt having something cooking. Unfortunately, It’s likely to be a crappy Sonic game where rather than than have a 2D game where Sonic runs really fast, we’ll have a shithouse 3D game where he runs really fast off the edge of cliffs for 10% of the game followed by 90% of Sonic turning into a monk. Jet Set Radio would redeem them. So would a new Crazy Taxi. Instead, we’ll probably get Mario and Sonic at Levi Rosenberg’s Bar Mitzvah. There’s always Bayonetta but whenever they go on about how the protagonist’s costume is really just overgrown pubic hair, I think I’ll pass.

Square Enix will be there.

How about Valve? Portal 2? Half Life 2 Episode 3? TF2 or L4D news?

We’ll know in two weeks. Feel free to leave comments about what you are looking forward to

10 Things That Won’t Be Announced at E3

E3 will be on us very shortly and Controller1.com would like to prognosticate one what you WON’T be reading about come the first week of June. This is not the result of rumor, heresay or the result of a dodgy phone camera shot of a Best Buy POS terminal. This is pure 100% bullshit. You do know how to spot bullshit, don’t you? It’s easy. Read on…

1- Nintendo will announce the Wii 2 HD console without Motion controllers, merely a redesigned N64 controller with more spikes. The Big N has listened to the whining whims of hard care gamers and is ditching the mass market with millions of easy sales of Wii fit and WiiPlay. Instead, they will focus on the shrinking marketshare that ‘core’ games that are currently divvied up between Sony and MS.

2- A Japanese game without hypersexualised pedo-bait female characters will be released. RE5 will offer new unlockable raincoat costumes for Shiva. DLC for X-Blades will include a petticoats and hoop-skirts. I do declare!Dead or Alive Extreme 3 will feature the ladies in a  new environment- Open Cut Coke Mining.

3. EA will be bought by Midway

Take one company that’s big but losing a bit of money. Take another company that’s on its last knees. Midway buying EA would be like Quebec buying France. But that won’t stop Midway’s bat-shit loco insane management from giving it a go.

4. Microsoft announces a new model Xbox 360- The Bulletproof. This new model is guaranteed by Microsoft nit to break down in any way. It will never RROD or display an E74. It also has no DVD Drive, power supply, CPU, GPU or wireless receiver. It is not backwards compatible with Xbox 1 games, but its also not present-compatible with Xbox 360 games. But its not breakable.

5. Ubisoft announces a game produced by Jade Raymond that will not be demoed on stage by Ms Raymond, but by the games’ designer. Jade’s a talented lady but we’ve seen enough. Show us the dirty smelly bearded nerd.

6. Boothbabes who can stand up without developing lower back pain within 10 minutes.

7. A new Super Mario Bros game for the DS will be announced. Yes, Nintendo will actually make a second Mario platforming game on the DS. All New Super Mario Brothers will be more of the same. No Baby Mario, Wario or Yoshi. Just Mario and Luigi jumping on things.

8. a PlayStation 3 killer application. Yes, a reason for you fence sitters will be announced at E3. Unlike Heavenly Sword, Lair, Haze, MGS4, Little Big Planet or Killzone2, this will actually excite no PS3-owning gamers with two jobs to take the plunge.

9. A Twitter feed of a press conference without LOL, OMFG or Woot being used when sequel x91 is announced for mega-successful franchise y39 is announced.

10. Controller1.com’s game of show will be an MMO.
wat?