Every week a new game is released based on a licensed property. Be it Madden, which licenses the NFL; Iron Man, based on the movie; or 50 Cent Blood on the Sand, which is based on a tool, licensed games are everywhere. Sometimes they flop, sometimes they are huge hits and sometimes they’re even good. This week demoes for a whole slew of them were released, with titles based on Wanted, Chronicles of Riddick, the WWE, Watchmen, etc all giving us a taste of what passes for entertainment in these recessionary times.
But often licensed games are forgettable and hence largely forgotten. Here are some that deserved to be remembered. For various reasons….
DAYS OF OUR LIVES
Days of Our Lives for the Atari 2600 (1984). Follow Marlena, Roman Brady, Stefano Di Mera and the Salem Strangler on an adventure though 20 levels. Based on the long runnong Soap Opera, DOOL 26000, not to be confused with the lame Amiga sequel in 1988, offered a degree of freedom seldom seen in games based on daytime soap operas. The gaming media of the day heralded DOOL as far better than that quickie General Hospital game which came out the same year (most copies of which are laying underneath the ET landfill). Though it was later surpassed by Falcon Crest for the NES, DOOL showed that games for people who don’t play games have always been with us (See also Myst, Puzzle Quest, Final Fantasy)
FROST/NIXON
Based on the play, Frost/Nixon for the Super Nintendo. Billed as your opportunity to cross examine the former President, the only trial Nixon would ever face. Not the greatest game, but then Nixon’s appearances in games have been fleeting.
A PC port was scuppered because Windows wouldn’t let you load a file called Frost/Nixon.exe without first looking for your Frost drive.
ANDRE RIEU HERO
There’s been a well documented phenomenon of older people playing Guitar Hero along with their grandkids during the holidays, usually on Beginner (pfft, noobs). So one smart publisher decided to tailor a version of the game that would appeal to the older generation. And who’s the most popular living musician with the Geriatric Gamers? Andre Rieu, of course. In this game, with the plastic violin controller, you play as Andre Rieu’s understudy, when the man himself is attacked by enraged seniors after playing electric. There’s also a sim game built into this when you see how many live DVD’s you can release and sell in Convenience Stores, Gas Stations and Post Offices around the world before anyone notices its the same songs each time.
Demographics is a wonderful thing. A TV show can rate poorly overall but rate very well within an age demographic that is attractive to advertisers. Gamer demographics are similar but aren’t necessarily age-based so lets have a look at some of the key gaming demographics
JAPANOPHILES:
These guys play every cutesy Japanese puzzle game, every esoteric weird game and of course JRPG’s. You can not only sell them a game, but they will also buy the orchestral recording of the soundtrack, the remix soundtrack, the covers album, recordings of the original NES soundtrack, the re-release of the game on PSP (and a PSP), all of the toys and any Japanese candy with pictures of the game on the wrapper. They also cosplay. So who wants these guys to buy their products?
PEOPLE WHO ONLY PLAY VALVE MULTIPLAYER GAMES-
There are dudes who ignore any big PC shooter that’s not from Valve. They play various versions of Counterstrike, Day of Defeat, Team Fortress 2 and now Left 4 Dead. They ignore Battlefield, Quake Live, Call of Duty, Unreal Tournament, et al. They will not leave those games until Valve releases another multiplayer game. They are very loyal and love Steam. So what can you market to these guys? Well, this is the USB Crowbar. (Note: Due to a design oversight, the non-detachable USB cable is only 3 inches long. The manufacturers of the USB crowbar do not offer warranties for any damage to you computer if you attempt to use the crowbar function whilst attached to you PC)
13-YEAR OLD ONLINE COCKBITES with headsets
Its a well known Internet FACT that Halo 3 players on Xbox Live are racist homophobes and that no dickwad teens at all play PC games like Team Fortress 2 and sing into their mike the whole time. Here’s a self help book for people who just won’t shut the fuck up and don’t get the hint that we don’t want to hear every random thought out of your mouth. Yes there’s some issues with latency with these guys and we don’t mean ping times.
A bit off topic for today’s post. Unrelated to gaming in anyway but I found it interesting. Last night the lady wife and I went with a mate to see a movie. There wasn’t a lot on we all wanted to see but Bryan Singer’s new Tom Cruise flick Valkyrie got the nod. The movie itself is decent. Not the best thing any of these guys have done but far from the worst. Its a thriller, but a talky thriller rather than an action movie. But something weird happened that’s never happened in any movie I’ve ever seen before. Not even in all of the really bad ones like Punisher (I didn’t kill his family so why was I punished?), Van Helsing (actually makes that other movie with Jackman and Wenham seem tolerable) or even Krull back in the day.
About half way through a not too long 120 minute movie, two guys, maybe about 18-22 years old, walked out. The stood up in their trendy baggy shorts and flip flops, shaggy goofball afro hairdos with baseball caps perched on top like a cowboy on top of a bull at the rodeo, and walked out muttering about ‘boring.’ Apart from the attitude of “We don’t like it so we can stop you from enjoying the movie” they paid money for a movie and walked out. I know movie audiences in the US (I recall a fella in a Santa Monica theater hollering “The French are gay” when the Merovingian turned up during Matrix Reloaded) are more vocal but here its considered bad form to annoy other patrons. Its the fact that they bought tickets to this movie and were bored so much they had to leave. 15 minutes before the end, a couple left and through the gloom I guessed they were around the same age as the first two ADHD crippled idiots. Hey, the movie wasn’t bad, nor was it excellent. It’s say it was a good solid film. I didn’t think the advertising for the movie was misrepresenting the final product. So… WHAT THE FUCK DID THESE FUCKING COCKSUCKERS EXPECT?
What is the goddamned thought process going through their tiny idle lazy Gen Y minds? “Oh look a movie with Tom Cruise in it. Dude, he got an eyepatch.” Why the hell didn’t they go and see shit like Yes Man? That’s why people pay $40 a seat for Gold Class seats (very fancy seats where they serve you food during the movie- its like flying first class)- they just want to watch the movie in peace. I think I’m going to skip Zack and Miri Make a Porno at the cinema and just get the BluRay. I may be on the edges of the target audience but ground zero is full of cunts.
