Super The Night Before Christmas HD Turbo Remix…
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a bluetooth mouse with force feedback;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that some red dude soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Playstation 3′s danced in their heads;
And mamma in her g-string, and I going totally commando,
Had just passed out after egg-nog and port,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my iPhone and began to Twitter, “being burgled LOL.”
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the window and threw up the egg nog and port. Never again.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
Some asshole has parked a sleigh on my lawn!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be some dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by meme;
“Now, Dasher, I’m a gonna let you finish,
Blitzen was the best reindeer of the year!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
“We’re outie!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they buggered off,
With the sleigh full of swag, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and mincing of some giant poof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound, swearing like a docker.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with pig’s blood form his visit to New York;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedo just opening his pack.
His eyes — how red they were!! Drunk as a skunk.
His cheeks were strangely lifeless. BOTOX!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly, the fat bastard.
He was chubby and plump, and wore a Bush/Cheney 04 button,
And I LOLed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me the finger to tell me to mind my own goddam business;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work so I filmed him on my Flip HD,
And filled all the stockings with Wii mini-game compilations; What a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. Who’s going to clean up the fucking sooty foot prints?
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight lest the cops be on his ass,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
