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GAMING RESOLUTIONS FOR 2010

Controller1.com has collected some New Year’s Resolutions from people in videogames. It will be interesting to look back in 12 months to see how many were able to keep their resolve.

Activision CEO: Robert Kotick: “In 2010, I’d like to introduce paid subscriptions to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 online. All maps, mods and patches will be paid for by the users again and again. Also we’d like to see out our contract with Tony Hawk by having him try and sell our new Sybian controller for the Wii. We see big potential in the 35-78 female demographic for such a product. We’re also bundling packets of moist towelettes with each unit.”

EA CEO John Riccitello: “We’d like to acquire some more studios in order to more effectively close them down in 12 months. We’re running out of companies to close down so we’re on the acquisition trail in order to further our needs for shitcanning amd distribution of pink slips.”

Nintendo of America CEO Reggie File-Aime: “We see the growth in the Wii in terms of which franchises can be retooled into supporting the new vitality sensor. With that in mind we are planning a version of Super Mario Bros controller purely with the vitality sensor. To jump you have to breath faster. To move forward you have to increase your heart-rate, so we’re included a recording of your high school sweetheart having sex. To slow down you have to slow your heart-rate down so we’ve included a recording of your high school sweetheart cleaning toilets. To stop moving your heart has to stop totally so we have a recording of your parents having sex. The Vitality sensor will then administer a small electric shock to restart your heart.”

Blizzard President Mike Morhaime: “We need to hire more people in order to wipe their asses on all of the money we make.”

Designer Peter Molyneax: “The big this for us is refining our pedo sim. Combining this with Natal should dovetail nicely with the planned unveiling on To Catch a Predator.”

Senior Vice President Microsoft for Entertainment and Devices Don Mattrick: “We are concentrating on Natal and a relaunch of the 360 to keep momentum for the next few years. We have a nine-year plan for 360 which involves fans owning three of the consoles during that time. Natal will be a big thing for us. That means the cameras will overheat, the lenses warp with too much heat and fire frickin laser beams at our customers”

Controller1.com has our own new years resolutions.

1. Buy fewer crap games. This year I bought Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood and it still rankles. Also, I wish I hadn’t bought House of the Dead Overkill. Much better than 2008 where I got stuck with Prince of Persia, Banjo Kazooie and  Resistance 2.

2. Keep podcatsing each week.

3. Posting random crap on our twitter feed.

What about you? What are you plans for 2010 in the realm of gaming?