controller1.com

2009 Sales Predictions-With Graphs

2009 has only just begun and is a blank slate in terms of how well games will sell world wide. Last year, the Wii sold more consoles than Sony and MS did. In 2009, we predict that this trend will continue. The top games for 2009 are also predicted. NOTE: Predictions are made based on serious scientific analysis and stuff and crap and everything like that and stuff.

The Wii’s sales trajectory is projected to upswing at a rate higher than the combined downswing of its co-belligerent parties. In layperson’s terms, the Wii will be hotter than dogshit on a pre-heated stove. The Wii audience will also be expanded past its traditional base of soccer moms, pensioners and disappointed Nintendo fans. In 2009, we expect the Wii to start selling more units to the following socio- economic groups: Pawn-brokers, scroungers in WWII PoW camps, chimpanzees and actors. Seriously, even that Dooce.com chick has a Wii. You can see by the graph that Nintendo will soon have more money than God (especially since the Bernie Madoff  affair).

When reached for comment, Nintendo of America’s president, Reggie Fils-Aime, merely screamed down the phone line deafening our correspondent. Nintendo have a large number of terrific products heading to retail in 2009. Yes, they are just reprints of Wii Sport, Wiifit, WiiPlay as well as some new games like Gamecube Mario Tennis and Pikmin with motion controls. Nintendo also released the statement speaking to hardcore gamers: ” We haven’t forgotten core gamers. We often openly mock them around the office.”

So looking to the Xbox 360. We are expecting double digit growth in people buying a more reliable ‘Jasper’ model now that the launch units with its ‘DepressedLemmingOnCliffTop’  are now beyond their extended three year RROD warranty. We also believe the second-hand value of those launch units to spiral into a downward falling-type deal trajectory concurrent with their perceived chance of being fixed for free.

Sony’s fortunes, failing faster than a 360 wrapped in a  towel, seem to have a more complicated prognosticatory prediction template. PS2, in its 9th year, has seen sales starting to tail off but PSP sales are rising, despite the supposed fact the last PSP game to turn a profit was the PS2 port of GTA Liberty City Stories  (Gamestop’s recent trial of not printing out receipts has paid off).

PS3 is not having an easy run in the market place. Here’s a graph of PS3 sales expectations launch-to-date.

Of course you can prove all sorts of things with statistics, but you can prove even more unbelievable shit with graphs and charts.