Merry Christmas from Controller1.com- Wii Survival Tips
Depending on where you are, its Christmas over the new few days. If not that, then your celebrating something so have a good time and play some games with your family. They may have just gotten a band new Wii and will expect to play Wii Sport with you. You might as well do this as it is fun and if you have more than basic gaming skills, you will pwn granny. “You’re going down, bitch!”
So after they’ve played Wii sport and you hook up the Wii Fit for the one and only time your mother will ever use it, here are some things to consider:
1. Don’t hook it up to the wifi. Everytime Nintendo feels like it, it will send a message to your Wii and the disc tray will glow blue. This will freak the fuck out of your grandfather who will proceed to call in a priest and have your Wii exorcised.
2. There are mountains of Wii games available for insane prices in bargain bins world wide. There’s a reason they are so cheap. They are either shithouse, crappy or Boom Blox.
3. Wii Fit is not a substitute for a proper exercise regime.
4. Carnival Games is not a substitute for a proper game
5. Wii Music is a toy. The only tunes you can successfully recreate in Wii music are those from Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music album.
6. The best games on Wii are Zelda Twilight Princess, Super Mario Galaxy and Metroid: Corruption
7. The worst games have outsold the best games. Games such as Wii Play and Mario and Sonic at the Olympics are the big sellers on the system
8. Ubisoft is combining some franchises into mega-selling blockbusters such as Imagine: Tom Clanciez, Shaun White Recon Boarding Babiez and Prince of Fashion Designerz.
9. Gamecube Pikmin is being ported to the Wii. Not a new version, just a port of the GC version they runs on a Wii disc, even though you can just load the GC version you can get quite cheaply pre-owned or used or, as is more likely to be the case, sitting unplayed in your own collection.
10. Now that Mario Kart, Super Mario Galazy, Zelda, Metroid and Wario have games on the system, the 3 year long wait until the next Nintendo machine with new iterations of those games begins. In the meantime Nintendo will offer us Wii Macrame, Wii Masturbate (a surprising hit amongst core gamers), Wii Beat a Dead Horse, Wii Scraping the Bottom of the Barrell and Wii Out of Ideas.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:57 am
As it so happens I got a Wii for Christmas. After a horrible first experience with the system earlier in the year we’re now really enjoying it. My tips:
1) Get the component cables.
2) Just buy a few excellent Wii-specific games instead of tons of mediocre ports. Boom Blox is great fun. De Blob is awesome, awesome, awesome – but maybe I’m just saying that because it answers the age-old question of “What would happen if Wizball got remade as a 3D platformer?”
3) Seriously, get component cables. Holy crap I can’t recommend component cables highly enough. I thought my Wii was broken when I plugged it into my TV the first time with composite cables. I haven’t wanted to stab my own eyes out that much since that Courtney Love music video came on and I couldn’t find the remote.
4) If you’re in Australia, change your Australian account to a UK one so you can access the C64 games in the Virtual Console store. Then you can buy (or re-buy as the case may be ahem) such excellent games like International Karate +, Mayhem In Monsterland and, if Wikipedia is to be believed, WIZBALL next year OH MY GOD. WIZBALL. YESSSS