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“10 SHITLOADS” by Marcus Fenix

controller1.com presents excerpts from the autobiography of one Marcus Fenix.

Chapter 4 “MY FIRST CURSE WORD”

“I was 13 when I uttered by first curse word. It was a Tuesday. I remembered it very clearly since it was only a week after I got a bandanna for my birthday. I was fooling around in my Dad’s workshop when I accidentally hit my thumb with a hammer. “Shit!” I cried out as the thumb throbbed and pulsed, the pain indescribable. Out of that moment of sharp pain came a realization. I could swear.

At first I was sparing with my use of the word ‘shit.’ I’d stub my pinky toe on the door frame and inadvertently say ‘shit!’ I’d trip over on the street whilst practicing my roadie run and get my balls stuck on my Homemade Lancer. OK so it was a BB gun with mom’s carving knife stuck on with duct tape, but it still hurt. Pretty soon I was flinging the swear words around with careless abandon. “Shit this,” I’d say when I got bored with a TV show I was watching. “Screw that,” when I was told to get ready for church on Sunday mornings. Pretty soon I was swearing so much I was using curse words out of context so much that people could longer comprehend what I said.

I remember presenting an oral report in my senior year of high school. It was meant to cover causes of the Civil War but all that came out was ‘Jism cock turd overflow ass tits shitburger fuckerfacials.’ OK, so I got extra credit as well as detention but I knew I had a problem”

Other tidbits:

1) Mr and Mrs Fenix originally wanted a daughter and so they named their only son Marcy. Sgt Fenix was dressed in gingham dresses up till age three.

2) Dom loves singing Englebert Humperdinck songs in the Karaoke Bar. Word is that he’ s not very good at ‘Quando’ but his ‘Please Release Me,’ brings tears to your eyes.

3) Marcus Fenix has never taken steroids. He just looks like Ben Grimm’s stepson purely by chance.